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Track Listing: Rated: Total Play Time:  |
Umm, yeah. So here we have probably the worst named band that I’ve
had the duty of reviewing, Italy’s Allhelluja. I realize that people
these days are looking for all sorts of clever puns and ways to
combine/bastardize words and phrases because it catches the eye and adds cheap
novelty to your band, but the name Allhelluja is anything but clever
and is everything stupid. It’s so bad that I’m afraid of losing precious
IQ points if I try to understand and then relate to you, the reader, as
to the intention of using this name, so I won’t. After a few spins of Allhelluja’s sophomore album entitled “Pain is
the Game” and visiting their website, I get the sense that they are
aiming to appeal toward the lowest common denominator. Incessant swearing
and half-naked chicks will win you zero points with me.
Motherfucker-this and motherfucker-that, pictures of chicks’ asses as your cover art
and amateur music videos of bikini biker girls hitchhiking on the side
of the road will not distract me from your painfully terrible music.
The two meatheads down the street from me sniffing their armpits and who
sing the praises of professional wrestling might get distracted, but
not me, sorry. I am admittedly not a huge fan or follower of stoner rock,
retro-grunge or whatever the hell this style is referred to as, but I do know
crap when I hear it and this frankly, is crap. Simplistic, bass-heavy
MTV garbage played by “musicians” with next to no talent whatsoever, yet
will be eaten up by thousands of angst ridden, hormone fueled
adolescents who can’t wait to shock their parents. Even the occasional
intellectually insulting, pseudo-psychological quote found on the album reeks
of immaturity. “Life is psycho, death is psycho.” Wow, deep shit right
there. Someone call Jack Handy. Even though I’ve never seen Allhelluja live, I’m envisioning copious
amounts of trucker hats and jumping da fuck up. How this crap is being
misconstrued as metal is beyond me. Pass. |
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