Reviewed - 08/28/05

Nvmber II
[Luciferic Enema Records]

This band knows their shit! Literally! What in the holy old fuck is Brown Metal? I think I've heard of the term when describing Anal Blast before, but that's about it. It must be that Brown metal means "Shit Metal", because the newest demo from Pennsylvania's The Rectvm Satans is just that, shitty Metal in both the definition of the term and the quality of their music.

"Nvmber II" (get the joke here?) is like some odd mixture of Black and Death Metal mixed with some horrible sounding... ummm... techno/industrial/dance club music. It sounds as if a kid programmed gibberish into a keyboard and drum machine, added some Metal guitars over it, and voila! Instant shit! The guitar playing is pretty good, or maybe it just seems good because the rest of the music is so subpar, but the guitar parts are the one and only good thing to be found music-wise on the album! If the guitars weren't palatable, this album would have gotten a whopping 0/10!

The lyrics are all in English and deal with every fecal subject matter you can think of. Aside from the one song about Asians eating dogs, every other song on here deals with poop, anal diseases, and other malfunctions of the almighty bunghole. The lyrics are a good humorous read in a guilty pleasure sort of way, but they still aren't very well written as it seems they just throw in words that don't fit or make sense just because they rhyme with other words. The vocals are so garbled and guttural that that you can't hear them most of the time. They're "shitty" sounding, pun intended. The song "Brown Funeral" has some clean vocals, but they are as annoying as the harsh vocals. Next!

The production on the album... well, there really isn't a production here. It sounds okay, but the techno shit comes through so loud and distorted that it makes me want to go to a night club and knock off some Techno listenin' ravers with extreme prejudice. Just for the hell of it. And I'd yell out "The Rectvum Satans made me do this!!!".

The layout for the album is a joke. There's a Xeroxed black and white cover showing some medieval dudes lovingly eyeing up a goat, and that's about it. There was a lyric sheet sent separately with the promo that had all of the lyrics on. I don't know if that lyric sheet comes with the album when anyone buys it or if it was just sent for reviewing purposes or what. The promo I got was also sent in a CD-R that had the album title written in marker on it. Not very professional, but I guess it's a demo and I can't complain too much about that. Yes I can... that sucks! It doesn't cost much to have a demo pressed with real CD's guys. Maybe one day when you leave mom and dad's basement you can seek out a real studio and C.D. pressing company!

Aside from a few shits (D'oh!) and giggles with the lyrics, I find absolutely no reason for anyone to seek this album out. Unless far below average Metal mixed with even worse Techno/Industrial music is your thing. Which I doubt is the case. If you choose to get this anyway, remember I warned you of the shittiness contained within!